31 7 / 2014
Waits. Are you expecting? Or just trying? Did I miss something?
Noooooo. Which is why I’m ridiculous. This is not going to be a problem for quite some time. And also we’ll probably move because we have gotten orders after finding out I’m knocked up both times so far.
I just got really freaked out about the whole thing today. I was watching HGTV remodel shows and I was thinking about all the ways I’d like our house to be different and it was like yeah because it’s not ideal for our absctract-idea-third-baby … HOLY SHIT IT’S SO CLOSE TO BEING A REAL THING WE ARE TRYING FOR INSTEAD OF ABSTRACT IDEAL HOW WILL WE SURVIVE!?!?!
We will. I know we will. But it doesn’t stop my brain/body from having reactions. And I just needed to purge them.
31 7 / 2014
on the plus side - you have guest rooms!
We have ONE guest room. I meant give up the concept idea of a guest room. Having a guest room was kind of essential when you live in the suburbia thousands of miles from your families.
31 7 / 2014
Or maybe that my healthcare options afforded me a doctor who can get to know me, a therapist and some decent as needed medication.
Anyway, I’m on edge right now. We bought our house with several compromises because it was our first house and we were so fixated on price and resale value because military and we’d me moving in 2-3 years and it worked for us at that moment.
Now we’re not going anywhere that we know of for the next year at least. Probably more. And we’re gonna have another baby. Where the fuck are we going to put it? Do we give up a guest room? Do we have the minions now share a room (hello panicked thoughts)?
We’re 5 months away from pulling the goalie and therefore 14 months MINIMUM from this being a problem. And yet this afternoon was sponsored by a freak out about how the hell we’re going to do this in this house right now.
Tight chest, pit in the stomach, rapid breathing. For hypothetical tiny person logistical issue in a year and a half.
31 7 / 2014
"These are forms of male aggression that only women see. But even when men are afforded a front seat to harassment, they don’t always have the correct vantage point for recognizing the subtlety of its operation. Four years before the murders, I was sitting in a bar in Washington, D.C. with a male friend. Another young woman was alone at the bar when an older man scooted next to her. He was aggressive, wasted, and sitting too close, but she smiled curtly at his ramblings and laughed softly at his jokes as she patiently downed her drink. ‘Why is she humoring him?’ my friend asked me. ‘You would never do that.’ I was too embarrassed to say: ‘Because he looks scary’ and ‘I do it all the time.’
Women who have experienced this can recognize that placating these men is a rational choice, a form of self-defense to protect against setting off an aggressor. But to male bystanders, it often looks like a warm welcome, and that helps to shift blame in the public eye from the harasser and onto his target, who’s failed to respond with the type of masculine bravado that men more easily recognize."
30 7 / 2014
Anonymous said: so I just went to a new school and so far all I've heard the other girls talk about what people are wearing and how "slutty" it is and stuff how do I start conversations without getting off topic and not being mean how does this work? like all I want to do is trade mix tapes or make a band or something
Readers won’t stop sending the Bad Advisor their real-ass questions to answer, so the Bad Advisor is periodically going to try her hand at answering them.
Be the change you want to see in the world, friend!
Don’t worry about being mean to mean-ass people who sit around trying to divine the sexual habits of friends and strangers from the kind of clothes they wear. And why are you worried about being off-topic when the topic is shitty-ass sexist sexism?
Lead by motherfucking example:
Person: Wow, Tinkywink sure is slutting it up in that skirt today!
You: Who cares? Tell me your favorite songs about gambling, I’m makin’ a mix tape.
Person: Yeah yeah yeah, but SLUTTY SLUTTIMES.
You: Is that a song about gambling?
Person: Ohmygod, check out Higgledyskank’s stripper heels, is she on her way to work or something?
You: Sucks that a T-Rex would have a really hard time playing the flute, huh?
Person: I’m sorry, did you miss the asinine shit I was just talking about another human being?
You: Their little arms, you know?
Repeat, repeat, repeat. And look, you’re a girl at this new school who wants to start bands and make mixtapes, and Bad Advisor bets a dinosaur tail that you’re not the only one. You might need to shake up your lunch routine, or join a couple new clubs before you find like-minded folks. Don’t write off all the girls at your school before you’ve given them a chance to be cooler to their fellow gals. They might be waiting for someone just like you to give them permission to break out of old, slut-shaming habits.
30 7 / 2014
I need to go to the dentist. I hate going to the dentist. Because they’re always mean about flossing AND because I have to make scary phone call to go. Plus money.
So I haven’t been to a dentist since before I got married. My last dentist was a guy my dad went to high school with that saw my whole family and my mom just made appts for both of us at the same time. I never had to call and she dragged me there.
We got married and for a year I was like well we’re newlyweds and broke and I’m fine. After that we started paying $12/month for dental insurance so money could no longer be an excuse.
Then I got pregnant. And I heard NEVER go to the dentist when you’re pregnant. I think it’s even in What to Expect etc. Because you can’t use any numbing or anything? I don’t remember exactly why anymore but whatever I read scared me enough to just be like well I can’t go to the dentist bc I’m pregnant, obviously.
And I was pregnant/moving for like 2 years. But now I’ve been not pregnant for 2 years and lived here. The childcare was my only excuse now. And not knowing where to go. So a friend from MOMS club recommended a dentist to another friend. And then that friend raved about the office, too.
So I was supposed to make an appt before J left because she was going to watch the kids but honestly we just got so busy it didn’t happen.
My husband has 9 days of leave to use before the end of Sept or he just loses them. So he’s taking off Jem’s birthday on Tuesday, Scout’s first days of school, and a week to go back to Ohio and see my family. I decided I need to go to the dentist on Tuesday because I know I have cavities and problems and I’m gonna need a follow-up. This way I can do it at the end of August when he’s off for her school days.
I called today. They do new patient exams in the afternoon Tues-Friday. Next tuesday was booked, of course. But the lady was SO NICE! She asked me if Tuesdays were good for me and I said not particularly it’s just that the 5th is my son’s birthday and my husband is going to be off so I don’t need to figure out childcare. So she was ok we’ll just fudge it a little bit and you can come in at 10am that day. PHEW!!!
I also told her that I haven’t been to a dentist in a really REALLY long time and she was so calming and reassuring and laughingly told me I wouldn’t be in trouble with them. It just feels like a really nice place. I’m not looking forward to it because it’s still the dentist. But I’m less stressed about it now. And being less stressed is pretty much all I can ever achieve.